The World is Not Ours

Sometimes, We All Need to Vent

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RE Camera

One of the many places I enjoy visiting

At the risk of sounding like Lemony Snicket, what follows is going to be rather depressing. Or sad. Or just playing annoying. I don’t care.

So it’s been two whole years since my last blog post! Lots has happened since then, and I will definitely address much of it in future posts. One little tidbit now though, I am in the most wonderful relationship ever, which is awesome! Onto the sad stuff.

I’m about to have the shittiest birthday. For the fourth time in a row. I’ve made it through the last three, so I’m sure I’ll get through this one too, but it really sucks not being able to spend the day you were born with people you love. It’s fucking devastating really. I have two days in the year which are my absolute favorite. New Years and my birthday. I haven’t had a good New Years in the last so many years that I’ve lost count. At least I used to have my birthday to look forward to, but as mentioned earlier, even that has failed me. Life sucks. I know other people have it harder than me, and this may sound rude, but that doesn’t mean I must have a terrible start to the year.

For the last couple of weeks, whenever I’m driving somewhere, if I’m about to turn I play a game of chicken with myself and whatever tree, wall or signpost is in a straight line in front of me. Since I am currently writing this, I have clearly chickened out and turned the wheel before I crash violently into a tree, the wall of a bridge, or a sign. Now I wouldn’t necessarily say I am suicidal, I change my mind too quickly to go with that, instead I would say I just want to be noticed. Maybe. Sometimes I feel like free-falling to my death. One less human in the world, right? I’ve ranted about overpopulation before. But, don’t you worry, I’m not exactly done with life yet. If I do free-fall, it will be with a parachute.

For those of you who don’t know me (should be all of you), normally I am a very positive person. But I need this. I need to be negative. I keep so much of it inside, it gets toxic. I can’t talk about it with anyone because I suck at talking about these things. I feel like I wouldn’t be able to convey what I really mean. This space is my world without filters. I’ve been trying to find a positive side to something in the last few days but unfortunately life has only gotten worse. I was supposed to see my significant other on my birthday, which would have been great, but she has to find a new place to live as her lease is up, and won’t be able to make it out to see me. Which makes perfect sense, but I can be cranky about it because it’s my damn birthday.

Fuck life too. I’ve graduated college with my bachelor of science in biology and life couldn’t be more stressful right now. Trying to be a people pleaser, yet also make myself happy. It’s difficult.

I guess all I want for now is to have a good birthday, which won’t be happening. It’s moments like this where I really wish I could just disappear. Not die, but just leave. Go be happy. But I couldn’t bear making even the people who I don’t like as much unhappy or sad, let alone the people I do care about.  If you made it this far, awesome!

Thanks for reading what amounts to the absolute mess that is my current state of mind.

Final note: I’ll start posting more when I randomly have bursts of happiness so everything isn’t so negative.


Written by Kish

January 7, 2016 at 12:12 am

Posted in Uncategorized

Why? Why? Why?

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I will start out by apologizing. Because that is what people do for some reason. What I’m about to say is simply something that will offend a vast majority of you all. What I am about to say will even offend me, when I am in a different mindset. Fortunately, my brain is capable of having a multifaceted outlook towards life. This particular one is my favorite though, because I do think it’s a real issue that people don’t bother thinking about. Onto offending you. 


Humans. We are the most vile, ignorant, dastardly, idiotic beings. Not all of us. But the majority. What we ought to be is enlightened, but so very few really are such. One of my greatest gripes with humanity is our uncontrollable urge to overpopulate this beautiful Earth. Which leads to pillaging the Earth for her resources. The consequence of which is death. Complete and utter global devastation on a scale that extends through time, rather than just in the present. A bomb devastates in the present, but what we have been doing for the last century extends through time itself. We are killing everything. Why? Because we are selfish. Mind you, I’m restraining from cursing, mostly because I don’t feel it to be necessary at the moment. 

Honestly, why can’t we just control our populations? Why do we have to drill for oil everyfuckingwhere? Whenever I see a poor creature stuck dying in the aftermath of an inevitable oil spill, I honestly feel like… I… I can’t even describe it. Rage and sadness, compassion and hatred, all these feelings that just rush over me, all because we can’t have enough of our precious oil. Keep in mind that for those of you who don’t know me, I’m an incredibly calm person. I don’t get worked up over much in life. 

One might ask, how do we control our population? Well, step one would be to stop having more children. If we were to adhere to that simple step, we could over the course of a few generations, get our population under control. But we can’t do that. Why? Because people are stupid. Many don’t believe in such methods of population control. Such as using birth control. Which brings me to my final point because I don’t like being upset over this for too long, so I feel like finishing this up. Final point. Religion. Why can’t we stop that madness? Just be a peaceful person. Be kind. Be absolute. Just be. Exist in a transcendental state. Find yourself and then cultivate yourself. Help others cultivate themselves. Why mess around with religion? It’s so terrible. If I feel like continuing ranting, I will post another post on just why most religions are awful tomorrow. 

On a cheerful note: Song of the day:

Oh! I took that picture of the amazing art museum here in KC. I am liking this long exposure photography stuff at night. 

Written by Kish

February 14, 2014 at 1:42 am

Remember me, for I would never forget you.

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Well, really I wouldn’t. It is rather surprising how often I think of people that have passed through my life at some point or another. If we ever meet, I will remember you, even if it is just vaguely. Of course the more time we spend together, the more I remember you. I was just thinking of a friend of mine and well listening to this song (I’ll post it at the end) just made me feel all nostalgic. Being a student has its limitations, namely not being able to travel randomly or having the money to do sweet things. But hey, that’s part of life I suppose. I just want to say that I miss you very much. You being the person I was thinking about. 

In other news, I believe this post will be much shorter than yesterdays. I’m just really trying to keep the habit of writing something each day, so bear with me. Content will get much better. Though I’m running out of pictures I like that aren’t of me that I have taken, so I may have to go out and get more. Which should be fun. 😀 

Song of the day:


Written by Kish

February 11, 2014 at 11:14 pm

Science. It’s so very important.

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Just a quick shout-out to the awesome photographer who risked everything getting that shot. Me. Eh. Gotta self promote sometimes.

Science though. It makes me mad when I think of how dismal science and math education is in our country. Seriously we are so far behind the rest of the world that they pretty much just laugh at us. The problem lies within a number of things, with religion somewhere in the mix as well. Now I will try not to bash on religion too much, as I’m going through some form of metaphysical change of sorts. Not religious in nature, but more nature in nature. Anyway, back to education. So I believe that the reason why we aren’t so great at the sciences is because we aren’t making the youth interested. Or perhaps we aren’t trying as hard as before, rather giving way to apathy through television. I used to be enamored by the prospect of going to space as a child. Now of course, I just get angry at congress for not giving NASA more funding, but that’s a completely different tangent. Point is, if you ask children today what they want to do the most, they will most likely respond with something along the lines of watching television or something. Don’t get me wrong, I watch my fair share of shows, but I do much more, and I believe in my ability to do greater things through the advancement of science. Some people will say that we are fine where we are, after all, how else are these advances in medicine and etc., being made? Well, those advances are being made by people who enjoyed the sciences and maths as much as I do still. Unfortunately those people will probably die in under a century, which will pave the way for the next generation of people to innovate. Problem is, that next generation isn’t the innovative type. Yes, there are a select few who are amazing (see Intel ISEF every year) but the vast majority are complete blithering idiots. Fossil fuels are NOT the answer. Nuclear energy is NOT going to kill us all. Creationism is NOT a valid ‘theory.’ The era of going to space is NOT over. You CAN do something about all of this and more! Innovate for innovating’s sake.

Sorry, I do get caught up in things like that. Back to my personal changes, I have typically considered myself a very peaceful person, mostly because I don’t let matters affect me greatly. Unfortunately, I have not had time to stay at peace with myself in this last year or so, and that means that I have to find peace within myself again. This will require quite a bit of effort to release the pent up tensions within myself. Which for me, the best way to do that is to become one with nature itself, and while that may sound incredibly silly to most of you, I will be doing just that. It’s really not silly, it’s more of a matter of getting in touch with the beauty of everything around us. Simply writing this is making me smile as I remember all the great things about my old peaceful self. One of my greatest hurdles was my house burning down seven years ago, because the house that I used to live in was alive and thriving with everything around it. There was this pure energy that flowed from my house brightening all its surroundings. After it was gone, I would often walk around aimlessly through the woods and such near it, trying to find myself one with nature again, and luckily it wasn’t so hard, because nature can be very comforting when you need it to be such. That was simply something I had to get over, and it really didn’t take too long. But that was perhaps easy because I still was at peace with myself at the time. Now I must reconnect with my inner self on a different level, something I have not done in quite a while. And honestly, the winter is a terrible time to make such a journey because I really am not a fan of the freezing temperatures, so I’ll probably postpone the journey till spring.

This got to be longer than I thought it was going to be, mostly because of that final tangent I went on… Anyway, here’s your song of the day:

Written by Kish

February 10, 2014 at 11:39 pm

Infected Mushroom. Would you try them?

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So I went to one of the coolest shows in a while, and it was an Israeli band by the name of Infected Mushroom. Hella trancy stuff. Anyway, one of my favorite DJs played as well, Butch Clancy. I’m sure I’ve posted some remix of his before on one of these posts (The Funeral by Band of Horses). So he was awesome, then Infected Mushroom just blew me away. Can’t be described. Seriously. And I wasn’t even tripping (I thought about it…). I was with an awesome group of people and I mean it was just awesome. Though they have ridiculously priced drinks there. But it was all good.

Anyway, onto something different. Like. Snow? Nah. Why would I write about snow? This blog post will be rather short unfortunately. Well, it sucks for you guys. I’m about to read Island by Aldous Huxley, so I think I’ll be perfectly okay with ending this post early. It has been loaned to me by probably the most important person in this entire world and even beyond the world. Eh. I worry about posting things like this occasionally, because like I’ve said these are my thoughts. Which is why I typically don’t give out the address to this blog that much. Which probably explains why I’ve had no readers the last few days. Oh well.

I’ll finish with two things: One) look up Infected Mushroom and listen to their songs! Two) Song of the Day: 

Written by Kish

February 9, 2014 at 8:23 pm

Sickness kept me at bay

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But I’m back! Again. Sorry. I meant for this to be much more regular. But then I became ill. Luckily my immune system is more than capable of responding to foreign pathogens.

Anyway. I’ve returned. It snowed finally! A lot too. So I took the opportunity to find myself a rooftop, which was surprisingly easy! The secret to your success, should you follow in my footsteps. Keep following, you’ll get there.

But really, it’s quite easy. I typically choose tall hotel buildings, as hotels are easy to walk into. Just pretend like you belong, and nobody is wiser. I basically walk in, go to the elevators, take it to the top floor, find a staircase, and viola! Rooftop. Of course some of it requires slightly fiddling with a lock occasionally, or more often than not, relying on human error (i.e. someone forgetting to actually lock a door…). You’d be surprised how often the latter is the case. Anyway, I took that picture up there, and might I add my hands were literally frozen. Of course, I have modified the picture a bit in Photoshop, but only levels and such, because that’s important.

Finally, I’ll finish with Bill Nye vs Ken Ham. Bill Nye was amazing! Seriously. Creationism is utterly and completely flawed in its design, whereas the theory of evolution is an actual theory that predicts accurately what we observe. Anyway, a link to that is here:
Watch it. It’s the best 2.5 hours you’ll spend. And it’s Bill Nye, who doesn’t want to see him talk?

And finally, song of the day:

Written by Kish

February 5, 2014 at 2:41 pm

I rise yet again, after my year long hiatus.

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I certainly hope that someone out there read my blog and was disappointed with my absence. But that would be asking a bit much. I’ve been away. True. But not away from anywhere in particular, just this place. I guess with exams and stuff last year, I must have forgotten. Sorry!

So what have I done since then? Well. That’s not important, since this is mostly my innermost thoughts. So my actions are of little importance here. Though seeing as it is my blog, I’ll pretty much put whatever I feel like on here.

I’ll apologize once again, but this time for my rusty writing ability. Apparently it’s been awhile. I’ll get back in the loop hopefully. I’m running out of insane pictures!

I’d like to leave you with a few final thoughts: Red Bull is bad for you. No matter how sexy the women who give it away may appear. Though, that blueberry flavored one is delicious. And Bill Gates is awesome. Just everything he and Melinda Gates do with their foundation and all the charity work. Gives me hope that humanity isn’t all bad after all. Then I listen to some random republican congressman threaten to throw a reporter off a balcony. But hey. Look at the positives!

Finally, I’ll keep this music thing going. Really do like this song:

Edit: I took that picture. 😀

Written by Kish

January 31, 2014 at 12:13 am